Your email address says a lot about you. If, like me, you work remotely away from life’s inconveniences — like traffic and other people — your address makes more of a first impression than your clothes, your car, or your pallid complexion ever will.
I’m only slightly ashamed to admit that, whenever someone new emails me, I take a few seconds to examine their email address, consider their thought process, and judge them as a human being. Here’s what goes through my mind:
tomandjane@smiley-happy-couple.com
I share a house and a business with my partner, but I’d never share an inbox with her. It’s up there with his-and-hers bidets. Some things are best dealt with alone. At least they’re happy, I guess. Or hiding something.
johnsmith1988@i-am-not-a-number.com
Look, John, I know that picking usernames has been a lifelong drag, but don’t just tag a number on the end. Especially not your birth year. You’re better than that.
thewaltonfamily@thewaltons.com
You have a family email address? Who has a family email address? Do you sit around the HappyStation 2000 after dinner composing emails together and updating your family webs-? Wait, you have a family website? Who has a family website?
cuddlebunny@pass-me-a-bucket.com
I have a glowing red button on my desk for cutesy addresses like these. Nothing dramatic. It just deletes them.
info@aaaaaaaaaaataxis.com
That won’t get you to the top of Google, my friend. The internet doesn’t work like the phone book.
mrbigshot@freemail.com
What’s that, my good man? You’re a marketing director with a passion for helping iPhone developers breach new and exciting markets, build strong corporate images, and explore and project consistent brand values? And you’ve got a Hotmail address?
anyone@aol.com
I’ve spent 10 years trying to ditch my asinine prejudice against AOL users, but I still struggle to take aol.com addresses seriously. If you’re an AOL user and you feel hurt by this, I can only apologise and say that I’m trying to grow out of it.
My wariness harks back to AOL’s former role within the People’s Republic of American Internet Providers; an age where AOL subscribers were considered Web simpletons by many, because most of them believed that the aol.com website was the entire internet. A bit like Facebook users today.
jamesathome@definitely-not-in-the-office-or-at-a-bar-or-in-the-park.com
What’s that, James? You’re emailing from home? Thanks for letting me know. Why not get specific next time you’re registering an address and hint at which room you’re in? Or what year you think you’re writing from?
For your consideration
If you’re using a day-to-day email address that contains anything other than your own name or business name, I suggest that you consider updating it. Or don’t. You can always make your first impression next time.
